Animal here. Feeling down. Wifey tells me, 5 weeks after being caught cheating on me with younger guys, and after seeing that I have not kissed her nor touched her sexually since then, "How long is this gonna go on?"
I tell her, "I don't trust you. Supposedly you've changed your ways and stopped all you were doing. Even cut off your friendship with Mona (see previous post about this little trollip). But it's all lies. Why have you even changed your ways? I mean, if you enjoyed flirting, kissing new guys, having sex (Yes, The Fool realizes that promiscuous hoes love dick), going to bars and getting drunk, why would you sacrifice yourself and give this lifestyle up?"
So The Fool has figured out that for conscience-sake she's giving it the old college try. She can then justify in her mind that she wasn't the one that gave up on the marriage, it was me.
However, the secret weapon against me is the kid. If she leaves the marital home, she says that she'll leave with the kid. ARE ALL WOMEN THIS EVIL!?!? Why is the family court (Why don't they just call it "Government Against Dads" or "Execution of Fathers") so against fathers? I believe there are a few states where the court will assume "Equal Parenting" unless there is a risk to the welfare of the child. Good old New York is not one of these states. In this state, as in the majority of the United States, MOMS RULE WITH AN IRON FIST WHICH THEY SHOVE DEEP IN A MAN'S ASS.
I cannot fathom living my life without my little guy. I love him dearly. I also cannot fathom ever kissing wifey's cheating lips again. What do I do? Another dreary, gray day in this existence where my only bright spot is the hours I spend with the kid, going over his homework, taking him to the park, going for a walk, going to the bookstore, hearing his endless questions.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Cheat & Liar
Over the last 2 days this woe-man (woman) is telling me she is sorry that she cheated on me with Victor (the younger, thinner lover). She tells me that she will never do it again. That she wants me back. So I go into a calm review with her of all the lies that led up to me finding out.
1. She had a friend, Mona, 23 years old, who is an absolute nightmare (by the way the woe-man that lives with me is 33). Let me summarize. Mona has been married for about 4 years. She has a 6 year old and 4 year old in her home country being taken care of by her mother. She has not seen her children in the 3 years that she's been in this country and she has no plans regarding them. In the 1-1/2 years that my dear wifey has known her, I've been told by wifey (who loves to gossip) that she's slept with 4 guys. One particular episode involved a young man who kept giving her the eye, and a week later Mona was recounting how the guy's dick was curved to the left and how he was nothing spectacular in the sack. The Fool nodded along to the story oblivious to the red signals of adultery.
Sorry back to my original point. I went into a calm review of the facts:
1. "You were going to bars at night with this slut and lying to me about it".
2. "You opened up a Zoosk.com dating account and posted sexy pictures of yourself". By the way, this was the chink in her cheating armour. When I found out about this online dating account I put my computer skills to task and got her username and password. I saw all the flirting messages she had posted.
3. "On your email account there were pictures at a bar sent to an UNKNOWN EMAIL address, but you told me that it wasn't your email address even though it had your first name initial, your second name initial and your maiden name. You told me you opened this email account for Mona. You did her the favor so she could cheat on her husband" (I know, I know, hence my name, The Fool of the World). I BOUGHT IT!!! A few days later skepticism got the better of me and I busted into the email account, which was empty (surprise, surprise). I promptly changed the password and requested the server (hotmail) to send me the last 2 months of emails which I accidentally erased. Bam! Another chink in the harlot's armour. The emails were from various guys thanking wifey for last night. Saying things like "I love that tongue of yours", and "last night was great". Oh and what's this, LO AND BEHOLD, the trademark of modern cheating......a myspace account.
4. "I busted in to the myspace account and corroborated my evidence of sexual messages and a network of 40 guys that were friends. 2 of them that posted messages back and forth about having gone out with wifey. What a sucker!
So I tell her calmly after reviewing these and other facts, "I can never trust you again. You'll only do it again and again and again, except you'll be more careful next time. Live your life. Do what you want to do. Just let me be."
I don't need a woe-man. I really don't. In the 4 weeks since, I've been reading a lot lately. I go out for walks in my neighborhood and listen to the birds singing (I know it sounds lame, but have you ever taken the time to do nothing except just be still and listen to sounds, smell the chilly, autumn air?). I play chess with my son, take him to the park, go to the bookstore. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD THE FOOL PUT ON THE SHACKLES AGAIN!!!
Today is another day that is gray and sad. Nostalgia hits me every now and then. Like the other day I was at Macy's by myself and I walked by the Christmas tree and decorations section and I remembered times past. Memories have a way of coloring themselves bright. That day I probably fought with her, but in my memory I remembered walking about that holiday section and picking decorations that were in the clearance bins.
1. She had a friend, Mona, 23 years old, who is an absolute nightmare (by the way the woe-man that lives with me is 33). Let me summarize. Mona has been married for about 4 years. She has a 6 year old and 4 year old in her home country being taken care of by her mother. She has not seen her children in the 3 years that she's been in this country and she has no plans regarding them. In the 1-1/2 years that my dear wifey has known her, I've been told by wifey (who loves to gossip) that she's slept with 4 guys. One particular episode involved a young man who kept giving her the eye, and a week later Mona was recounting how the guy's dick was curved to the left and how he was nothing spectacular in the sack. The Fool nodded along to the story oblivious to the red signals of adultery.
Sorry back to my original point. I went into a calm review of the facts:
1. "You were going to bars at night with this slut and lying to me about it".
2. "You opened up a Zoosk.com dating account and posted sexy pictures of yourself". By the way, this was the chink in her cheating armour. When I found out about this online dating account I put my computer skills to task and got her username and password. I saw all the flirting messages she had posted.
3. "On your email account there were pictures at a bar sent to an UNKNOWN EMAIL address, but you told me that it wasn't your email address even though it had your first name initial, your second name initial and your maiden name. You told me you opened this email account for Mona. You did her the favor so she could cheat on her husband" (I know, I know, hence my name, The Fool of the World). I BOUGHT IT!!! A few days later skepticism got the better of me and I busted into the email account, which was empty (surprise, surprise). I promptly changed the password and requested the server (hotmail) to send me the last 2 months of emails which I accidentally erased. Bam! Another chink in the harlot's armour. The emails were from various guys thanking wifey for last night. Saying things like "I love that tongue of yours", and "last night was great". Oh and what's this, LO AND BEHOLD, the trademark of modern cheating......a myspace account.
4. "I busted in to the myspace account and corroborated my evidence of sexual messages and a network of 40 guys that were friends. 2 of them that posted messages back and forth about having gone out with wifey. What a sucker!
So I tell her calmly after reviewing these and other facts, "I can never trust you again. You'll only do it again and again and again, except you'll be more careful next time. Live your life. Do what you want to do. Just let me be."
I don't need a woe-man. I really don't. In the 4 weeks since, I've been reading a lot lately. I go out for walks in my neighborhood and listen to the birds singing (I know it sounds lame, but have you ever taken the time to do nothing except just be still and listen to sounds, smell the chilly, autumn air?). I play chess with my son, take him to the park, go to the bookstore. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD THE FOOL PUT ON THE SHACKLES AGAIN!!!
Today is another day that is gray and sad. Nostalgia hits me every now and then. Like the other day I was at Macy's by myself and I walked by the Christmas tree and decorations section and I remembered times past. Memories have a way of coloring themselves bright. That day I probably fought with her, but in my memory I remembered walking about that holiday section and picking decorations that were in the clearance bins.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Is There Such A Thing As A Happy Marriage?
Call me a skeptic but I really don't know any happy marriages. Basically marriage is a sacrifice of losing your self in that other person. Is anyone really worth losing your personhood? Basically every person loves themself so why would they give up their life to that other person?
For example I lost my right to watch sports because it would be considered selfish to watch sports while ignoring my dear wife. I also gave up playing sports because weekends was time to spend together. I gave up going for long pointless walks where destination was not an objective because her feet always hurt. I took up supermarket shopping and long boring conversations where 90% of it was gossip, where I had to nod my head feigning interest.
It works both ways. She also gave up personhood for the sake of marriage. Since she cheated on me with various younger, better looking guys, I assume she felt that with me she was giving up a certain freedoms that she needed to express. A certain flirtatiousness, thrill of the chase, new lips, newer, younger, better looking, thinner bodies. Why should she not pursue her life's desires? Why should she limit herself to one person, me?
As for me, I am staying strong and not pursuing any romantic ties with her. Oh by the way, we have a child. Don't want to lose my child by going through the system of injustice (family court). As for her, I think she is okay. Separate rooms, separate beds. In a sense I would like to see remorse from her, but in another sense I don't because I truly want a break-up.
That's all for now. Another gray purposeless day lies ahead. For you singles, don't rush into marriage, it's not all it's cracked up to be. For you divorcees engaged to be married again, you have no excuse, open your blind eyes.
For example I lost my right to watch sports because it would be considered selfish to watch sports while ignoring my dear wife. I also gave up playing sports because weekends was time to spend together. I gave up going for long pointless walks where destination was not an objective because her feet always hurt. I took up supermarket shopping and long boring conversations where 90% of it was gossip, where I had to nod my head feigning interest.
It works both ways. She also gave up personhood for the sake of marriage. Since she cheated on me with various younger, better looking guys, I assume she felt that with me she was giving up a certain freedoms that she needed to express. A certain flirtatiousness, thrill of the chase, new lips, newer, younger, better looking, thinner bodies. Why should she not pursue her life's desires? Why should she limit herself to one person, me?
As for me, I am staying strong and not pursuing any romantic ties with her. Oh by the way, we have a child. Don't want to lose my child by going through the system of injustice (family court). As for her, I think she is okay. Separate rooms, separate beds. In a sense I would like to see remorse from her, but in another sense I don't because I truly want a break-up.
That's all for now. Another gray purposeless day lies ahead. For you singles, don't rush into marriage, it's not all it's cracked up to be. For you divorcees engaged to be married again, you have no excuse, open your blind eyes.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Got Cheated On
A couple of weeks ago I found out that wifey was cheating on me. I hate her for it. I can never be with her again. The gentlemen in question were all at least 10 years younger than me. Thin. Good looking. There's a turn of events for you - I got traded in for a younger, better looking model.
I'm disgusted 3 weeks later regarding any posibility of future relationships with any women. I was browsing blogs and came across a real doozy http://marriedwifeblog.blogspot.com/ This is a wife who cheats on her husband with various lovers and the fool husband has no clue. I left her a piece of my mind on her Sept. 23rd blog. I seriously doubt she will post my comment which requires her approval.
Anyway. Today is a bad day. I am in a gray mood. Can't stop thinking about it. Unaccounted time is time that I feel she spends with any of these guys. She changed her phone number, stopped seeing her slut friend (yeah right), but I ask a simple question. If 3 weeks ago this was okay for her to do, then why would it not be okay with her now? Because I found out? What happens when time passes and she stops walking on eggshells, will she go back to what she feels is right? Will she simply be more careful next time? Let her do so. It's her life, and she is free to do as she wishes.
I also say this shocking statement. I am free to accept her behavior and just turn a blind eye to the whole thing. As of today I am strong in my resolve to never have a relationship that is romantic with this woman again.
I'm disgusted 3 weeks later regarding any posibility of future relationships with any women. I was browsing blogs and came across a real doozy http://marriedwifeblog.blogspot.com/ This is a wife who cheats on her husband with various lovers and the fool husband has no clue. I left her a piece of my mind on her Sept. 23rd blog. I seriously doubt she will post my comment which requires her approval.
Anyway. Today is a bad day. I am in a gray mood. Can't stop thinking about it. Unaccounted time is time that I feel she spends with any of these guys. She changed her phone number, stopped seeing her slut friend (yeah right), but I ask a simple question. If 3 weeks ago this was okay for her to do, then why would it not be okay with her now? Because I found out? What happens when time passes and she stops walking on eggshells, will she go back to what she feels is right? Will she simply be more careful next time? Let her do so. It's her life, and she is free to do as she wishes.
I also say this shocking statement. I am free to accept her behavior and just turn a blind eye to the whole thing. As of today I am strong in my resolve to never have a relationship that is romantic with this woman again.
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